First off, I'd like to thank everyone for the support I felt while I was incarcerated by the
Devils to the North. I have since escaped their clutches and plan on keeping a low profile, using
gorilla tactics to frustrate the enemy. During my continual journeys, trying to keep a step ahead of the antagonists, I recently found myself driving from the Gulf of Mexico to the metropolis of Atlanta, Georgia. The Orioles had a rare interleague series with the Braves, and Mark convinced me that for the sake of
The Bastards, I had to make the trip.
I arrived at Turner Field about an hour before the start of the game on the 1st of July, after driving six hours. Because of my unfamiliarity with the area, I bit the bullet and overpaid to park near the stadium, costing me 10 shekels. I walked across the street to the main gate, occasionally high-fiving a rare O's fan along the way. The stadium looked new and clean; I wandered into the ticket line. A ticketing employee announced that military personnel would receive free admission and a half-priced ticket for a guest, and asked for service members to have their IDs out. The group of college girls behind me noticed that I grasped my ID, and one of the buzzed coeds exclaimed, "Oh, you're in the military? I'm gonna be your date, okay?" She was obviously impressed by my sacrifice for freedom; the prospect of a half-off ticket hadn't entered her mind. I turned, and the blonde sported a Braves t-shirt knotted to display her midriff and held a Miller Lite in a red Braves koozie. Upon viewing the supporter of the evening's adversary, my eyes glazed over in disinterest and my face puckered sourly as I shifted to ignore the annoyance. My lovely fiance would have been proud.
After I received my free ticket (valued at $18), my opinion of the venue brightened as I made my way to my seat. You can see the view from where I sat, there didn't seem to be a bad seat in the house.
The experience definitely had a southern feel to it. The Braves fans were friendly and considerate; they had no reason to dislike a Baltimore Orioles fan. The companies that advertized were regionally based, with Chick-fil-a, Delta Airlines, and Coca Cola adding to the southern atmosphere. Even with the Atlanta skyline in the background, Turner Field had a homey feel that made watching the game comfortable and familiar. I was slightly disappointed by the complete newness of the park, and while there are references to historical Braves players and teams, I expected that a proud franchise like Atlanta would emphasize their past more. The stadium was fun and had an amusement park feel, but it wasn't very classical or retro. Perhaps I'm spoiled because Camden Yards is the ultimate and original retro stadium. Based on Mark's scale, I would give Turner Field a 12.5/15.
I sat through three scoreless innings as Jeremy "Stormin' Mormon" Guthrie and Jair (Yes, Jair) Jurrjens entered into a pitcher's duel. The lady next to me commented that JJ Hardy had been a good player for the Brewers years ago, and it seemed he was hitting his stride with the Orioles. This boosted my opinion of the kindly and now intelligent Braves fans even higher. I decided I would tour the rest of the park and took my leave. My stomach led me to several eateries, and $5.75 later I was the owner of a foot long hot dog with all the fixings.
I hadn't eaten since two states ago, so the speed at which the jumbo dog was inhaled left little work for my taste buds. From what I remember, the hot dog was serviceable, but I was surprised that in my wanderings I hadn't seen more sustenance that resembled southern soul food. Where were the boiled peanuts, the hush puppies, the fried catfish, the BARBECUE? Perhaps I missed it or didn't make it to the correct part of the park, but the food selection seemed to be lacking. Yes, I was able to procure a hot dog. Welcome to America's pastime. At the Yard, barbecue-scented smoke billows from Boog's in right field. Chunky crab cakes are seasoned with Old Bay. It's a mid-Atlantic smorgasbord on the harbor. A stadium has to create a cultural experience that highlights the local fare. Otherwise, there's no reason for me to leave my couch and high definition TV and spend money at the ballpark. I was planning on rating the food a 1 out of 5, but then I remembered that they sold 16 ounce cans of Yuengling lager, which bumped their food category up a full point: 2/5.
I had mentioned before that I was digging the fans. Towards the sixth inning of the scoreless game, most of us were aware that Jurrjens was working on a no-hitter. The Braves' young star, Jason Heyward, broke the tie, ripping a two-run line drive past the center field fence in the bottom of the sixth. There was a huge drum in center field that led the cheer as fans made the tomahawk chopping motion with their arms after the homer. In the top of the seventh, I watched a woman usher cover her gaping mouth, hoping with each anxious pitch that Jurrjens could carry the no-hitter another inning deeper. Not long after that, Adam Jones extinguished her hopes with a single that was grounded up the middle. Of course the O's couldn't score AJ, even after he stole second, but at least we appeared to be threatening in that one inning (Oh brother).
As per usual, the Stormin' Mormon pitched without run support, and after seven solid innings he handed the ball to our Hall of Shame-bound bullpen. I can't say that at that point the floodgates were opened, but in any case the dam was breached and quickly we were losing by four runs instead of two.
Chipper Jones, a living legend of the Braves franchise, was warmly applauded and encouraged each at bat, while the miserable Dan Uggla swung wildly to a .175 average and a
Golden Sombrero, but was never booed or disparaged by his patient fans. Even the seven million dollar geriatric, Derrek Lee, received fan support because of his brief stint with the Braves.
Based on the general baseball knowledge and player support the Braves fans showed I would rank them with the highest grade possible, with the tipsy squaw at the ticket gate subtracting a point: 9/10.
This brings the overall tally for Turner Field to 23.5/30. The fans were great, the stadium was enjoyable but lacked a classic feel, and increasing the diversity of the food offerings would make this ballpark one of the best.
Driving 12 hours roundtrip to see the Orioles get shutout was not the plan. We were one-hit by a guy named Jair. I was watching his speed, and only every once in a while he hit 90 MPH. He wasn't throwing hard, but he threw a ton of strikes and his placement was impeccable. I understand that he's been one of the best pitchers in the majors this year, but our showing was embarrassing. We made him look better than he is. There was no pep, no imagination, no fire, and no urgency in our play. As I parked my car and shuffled to my bed at 3:30 that morning, I thought, "If only they cared as much as I do."