I have seen enough of…

First, I want to apologize for my lack of blogging over this past semester. Graduate school has consumed my life for the past few months. But there is only two weeks of classes left! More blogging to come!

One of the joys of being a baseball fan is watching the development of young players. From the draft, up through the minors and entering into the majors. Current Buccos that fit the bill include: Andrew McCutchen, Jose Tabata, Neil Walker, and Pedro Alvarez.

On the other hand, one if the worst parts of being a baseball fan is watching players who will have no impact on the future of your team. These players are known as “stop-gaps,” “fillers,” “veterans¹,” “former 1^st round picks,” “journey-men.” After two weeks into the season, you’ve seen enough of them.

Many times, I have bought into the familiar phrases that wash ashore with these castaways: “he just needs a change of scenery,” “he still has some left in the tank,” and my personal favorite “he will bring some veteran leadership to the locker room.” Because as we all know, Pittsburgh is where careers are rejuvenated…

Infamous names that still scathed me are: Jeremy Burnitz; Raul Mondesi; Joe Randa; Matt Morris; Jose Mesa; insert another washed-up slob.

The current Bucco that is absolutely painful to watch is Ronny Cedeno. We are the third MLB team to say, “Ronny is a really good AAA shortstop.” On a good night, Ronny will go 1-4, which includes two strikeouts, a groundout to the pitcher, and a bloop single to left field.

I have seen enough of him. I know exactly what Ronny is bringing to the table. It isn’t good and it will never be good. Unfortunately, we don’t have anyone to replace him. So, there is no resolution in site.

Crap.

1 - This guy from Major League

Bizarro Baseball

Ah yes, Spring Training.  The annual appetizer that activates our hunger for sunflower seeds, mustard dogs, and Boog's Barbeque.  In our advanced state of cabin fever we yearn for the sound of ash clubbing stitched leather and Joe Angel's final exhortation: "Put this one in the WIN column!"  Our eyes are weak and unfocused without the stimulating barrage of Orioles Orange that we, along with our friends, plan to faithfully don from head to toe.  Our nostrils strain to acquire the scent of freshly cut Kentucky Blue Grass and pine tar.  But it's a tease.  There's no Boog's.  Winning doesn't matter, and I doubt that Ed Smith Stadium boasts the same handsome turf that the Yard manicures.  Who cares anyways?  We're not going to get off work to drive to Sarasota to check.  It's Bizarro Baseball.  Remember the Seinfeld episode with "Bizarro Jerry"?  Elaine made friends with a guy who was like Jerry, but opposite at the same time.  That's Spring Training for me.  It's still baseball, but it's just not quite right.  Ties happen.  Winning is optional.  Half of the names on the O's roster are foreign to me.  The ballparks are surrounded by palm trees.  Bizarre.

Perhaps something else that adds to my general unease this year is the actual makeup of the team.  I just can't tell whether or not we're going to jell, and shuffling everyone around for a few innings per "game" doesn't help solidify my squishy apprehension.  Andy MacPhail's (in)famous motto is "buy the bats, grow the arms", and this policy has led to a fairly heterogeneous mishmash of players that may or may not become a functional force.  None of our many offseason pickups are really in the prime of their careers except for Mark Reynolds, the slugger with the three highest strikeout totals in MLB history.  Our additions are injury-prone wildcards: JJ Hardy (wrist), Justin Duchscherer (hip/depression), Derrek Lee (thumb), Kevin Gregg (knee), and Vladimir Guerrero (Count Choculitis).  Not to mention Brian Roberts' perpetual back spasms and Koji Uehara's yearly elbow injury.  But with all this doom and gloom we must remember that the O's did upgrade from last year (our All-Star was Ty Wigginton); we just can't view this as a "worst to first" scenario.  It is a realistic attempt at a .500 record given our market and division.  At this point, our short term goal is relevance and mediocrity rather than World Series triumphs and super model girlfriends.

Bizzaro Baseball also sends us conflicting messages about our young, studly pitching staff.  At two or three innings a game, our developing hurlers are supposed to prove that they're ready to start the season.  The problem is that the situations these kids are in during Spring Training are light-years apart from regular season competition.  Just because they're playing the Yankees doesn't mean they're contending with legendary Bronx Bombers.  Instead, they might face Derek Jeter's 15 year old nephew (cute PR stunt), A-Roid trying to bat lefty, and career Spring Training attendee, Reegie Corona.  What do you think the scouting report looks like for Reegie Corona?  I'm not sure, but if I'm Matt Wieters I might call a four-seam, another four-seam, and a bender at the knees just to see what happens.  Can you blame Brian Matusz if Mr. Corona shuts his eyes, says a prayer, and flails at the 0-2 curveball and somehow gets hold of it?  Maybe to some extent, but I just hate to read too far into any of this bizzaro nonsense.

Speaking of being level-headed, have you heard about our 23 year old Cy Young-to-be?!  Zach Britton is a power lefty with a low, lively fastball who has not allowed a run all spring, and has drawn more than his share of attention.  Chances are he'll be called up in late May once Justin Duchscherer becomes the first human to break three hips at the same time and heads for the DL.  Then we'll have Jake Arrieta, Brad Bergesen, Brian Matusz, Chris Tillman and finally Zach Britton in our 25 and under rotation, with Jeremy Guthrie anchoring at age 31.  This juvenile pitching staff will definitely have its ups and downs this year, but the growth potential is great.  Along with an extra run or two per game thanks to the offensive additions, it should translate to a few more wins, inching us towards a much-needed winning season.

In order to drive this notion of Bizarro Baseball home, let me direct your attention to the Spring Training leader in home runs, Jake Fox.

Jake is our back-up catcher.  Sort of.  He is actually fighting for the back-up catching job, and it seems like he may have earned it.  In his 45 at-bats this spring, he has hit seven homers, two more than anyone else in MLB.  That means if he gets, say, 500 at-bats this season, we can expect 78 homers, right?  Jake will make Barry Bonds* record just a bad memory.  This is the nonsensical bizarro atmosphere we're in during Spring Training.  Black is white, up is down, Jake Fox is Hank Aaron.  Gosh, just bring on the Regular Season.

A Reason for Hope in the Charm City

On February 4^th, Dave giddily texted me, “We just signed Vlad!” Sometimes you can sense emotions or even images through a text message. I saw Dave do the following actions in chronological order: place his arms in the air and shout, “YES!!!”; call Wayne(Papa Steinour); text me; text Emily; run to his closet to grab his Ripken jersey; open up a can of Miller High Life (the Champagne of Beers…); sit back on the couch and say, “This is the year!”

Is Dave just a delirious fan or does he really have a reason for hope?

When I received Dave’s jubilant text, I mentally put together a potential opening day lineup for the O’s. I was surprised to examine the lack of weakness in the line-up. The projected 9^th hitter in the lineup, J.J. Hardy, has the capability of hitting 26 home runs! How many AL teams can say that about their #9 batter?

1. 2B Brian Roberts:
.278 BA, .354 OBP, .391 SLG, 4 HR, 15 RBI in 2010
2. RF Nick Markakis:
.297 BA, .370 OBP, .436, SLG, 12 HR, 60 RBI in 2010
3. C Matt Wieters:
.249 BA, .319 OBP, .377 SLG, 11 HR, 55 RBI in 2010
4. DH Vladimir Guerrero:
.300 BA, .345 OBP, .496 SLG, 29 HR, 115 RBI in 2010
5. LF Luke Scott:
.284 BA, .368 OBP, .535 SLG, 27 HR, 72 RBI in 2010
6. 3B Mark Reynolds:
.198 BA, .320 OBP, .433 SLG, 32 HR, 85 RBI in 2010
7. CF Adam Jones:
.284 BA, .325 OBP, .442 SLG, 19 HR, 69 RBI in 2010
8. 1B Derrek Lee:
.260 BA, .347 OBP, .428 SLG, 19 HR, 80 RBI in 2010
9. SS J.J. Hardy:
.268 BA, .320 OBP, .394 SLG, 6 HR, 38 RBI in 2010

The lineup is a nice mix of hitting styles. There are a couple who hit for average (Roberts, Markakis), several boppers (Reynolds, Scott and Guerrero) and two hybrids (Lee, Jones). The lineup has a diverse experience of players in their prime (Roberts, Reynolds, Jones, Markakis) and some solid veterans (Lee, Guerrero, Scott, Hardy). One player that does not fit in any of groups listed above is sophomore catcher, Matt Wieters. Wieters is supposed to be the “The Perfect Catch” according Sports Illustrated.

Dave assures me that the pitching staff is solid and I really like the addition of Justin Duchscherer. With a breakout year from Wieters, the O’s have the potential to make noise in the AL East this year. And by “make noise” I mean compete with the Yankees and Rays for the wild card(the Red Sox are a lock for the AL East crown).A bust year from Wieters and the O’s come in 4^th place in the Division.

Re: The Orioles' Offseason

Happy New Years everyone!  I realize I'm a month late, but I've been really wrapped up in this contested Ivory Coast election.  Who will come out as the victor?  Gbagbo or Ouattara?  Ouattara or Gbagbo?  It's so exciting, I'm sure you've been crazy about it as well.  And those UN sanctions?!  That Ban Ki-Moon is quite a rigid Secretary General!  But I digress, I know if I get my readers stuck on this topic we'll never get down to brass tacks.

Anyways, the ORIOLES!  Hey, not a bad offseason, huh?  Not a great one, mind you.  I haven't booked my plane tickets into BWI for late October, but let's hear it for a winning season!  We have some promise for 2011.  I am at times perplexed with Andy MacPhail's strategy (or potential lack thereof), but with Mr. .596 (Buck Showalter's winning percentage with the O's) calling a lot of the shots, I'm for any changes deemed necessary.  In case you've spent the winter hibernating (or rioting in Egypt), here's a breakdown of our offseason moves:

The Boppers – Mark Reynolds, Derrek Lee, and (PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE) maybe Vladimir Guerrero (knock on wood, cross your fingers, do a rain dance).  The Vlad deal is still in the works.  We've offered $4 million with some flex to maybe go $5 million.  Vlad made $6.5 last year, rebounding from a down year to 29 homers and a .300 average.  If he signs to play DH for us, Luke "Nobama" Scott would move to left field.  Scott led the club with 27 bombs last year.

Mark Reynolds will be manning third base.  Yeah, yeah, detractors can laugh at his eye-popping strikeout totals and sub-Mendoza-line batting average, but he hit 32 homers last year, and 44 the year before that.  We gave up two dead-end relief pitching scrubs, so I'll take it for now until Josh Bell proves himself to be MLB ready.

And how about upgrading from a completely vacant first base position to Silver Slugger Derrek Lee?  He had an injured thumb last year and still hit 19 homers.  He'll be good for 25 this year.  With the addition of Reynolds and Lee at the corners, and maybe Vlad at DH, we're looking at potentially 90 more homers for 2011.  I understand that home runs don't always directly correlate with more wins, but they don't hurt.  Plus, it might get a few more butts in the seats.  I'm sure Peter Angelos could use the money. 

The Hurlers – Justin Duchscherer, Kevin Gregg, Jeremy Guthrie, and Koji Uehara.  Ok, the Stormin' Mormon and 'Mutton Chop' Uehara are no strangers to 333 West Camden Street, but we inked them both for a few more years and a few more dollars this winter.

Kevin Gregg is a solid pickup for the bullpen, as he made 63 appearances last year and threw for a 3.51 ERA.  We promised him he would close for us.  Let's hope he turns out better than the Mike 'Candy Arm' Gonzalez experiment from last year.  

Justin Duchscherer signed a deal with us today for a one-year contract.  He has a career 3.13 ERA, but has had more hip-surgeries than both my grandmas combined.  We got him for cheap, and he'll be handy in the back end of the rotation and allow some of our young studs to build up some experience down on the farm.  So, no, this isn't the 1971 squad with Jim Palmer, Pat Dobson, Dave McNally, and Mike Cueller (all 20 game winners that season), but these modest upgrades are improvements nonetheless. 

The Leathermen – JJ Hardy, Healthy Brian Roberts.  I thought Cesar Izturis was a good shortstop.  He's a Gold Glover and solid up the middle.  But he hit like a turd.  If you're going to bat .230 every year, I need to see more than 1 homer and 28 RBIs.  JJ Hardy is a nice upgrade who can hit in the .280 range and is a better-than-average fielder.  Let's hope Hardy can stay healthy.  

Speaking of healthy, how about the Orioles' Best Player of the Past Decade and my man-crush, Brian Roberts?  BRob says his back is feeling great and is pumped about the upgrades to the team.  The Birds will look pretty snazzy with Hardy and BRob turning two this season.  

I texted Nick "The Franchise" Markakis asking for his thoughts, but he has yet to get back to me.  His wife, Christina, called my lovely fiance Emily to chat, and reminded her that Nick was bear hunting in New Brunswick, Canada as per usual.  I guess he doesn't get cell service up there.  We all know he goes up there just so he can grow his mountain-man beard.

The Chaff – Troy Patton, Jeff Fiorentino, Nick Green, Mark Hendrickson, Brendan Harris, et al.  I debated about giving these chucklebuckets any acknowledgement at all, but I suppose that even the red-headed stepchildren of the world deserve a sentence or two written about them.  Let's see.  

Troy Patton is one of our few left-handed relievers, and the ONLY one to get a DWI this offseason.  Nice job, Troy!  

Jeff Fiorentino came back to the O's today, after playing in Japan with the Hiroshima Carp of the Central League and batting .246.  You can't make this stuff up, people!  Omedetou, Jeff!  

Journeyman utility infielder Nick Green signed a minor league deal with us this December, making Baltimore his ninth port of call.  Ninth time's a charm, Nick!  

Mark Hendrickson also signed a minor league deal with us today, after a stellar 1-6 record last year and a 5.36 ERA.  Good to have ya back, Mark!

Brendan Harris – I don't even know who you are, man.  The Twins just threw you in with the JJ Hardy deal and we were like, "eh, fine, we'll take him."

I'm sure there are other fine young men who made forgettable (obviously) signings with us this winter, but right now I'm drawing a blank.

The Pirates – Speaking of chaff, how about those Buccos?  First off, let me preface this with an analogy:

Have you ever dated a girl who turned out to be a complete sloppy nutcase, so you broke up?  Later on, you see that a guy who you can't stand has started dating her, so you smile to yourself, giddily imagining the mess he's unknowingly in and the misery to follow.  Yeah, that jerk you don't like is the Pirates, and that brick of a girl who makes Snooki out to be Marie Curie is GARRETT ATKINS.

If you really wanted to, you could pull up the column Mark wrote in November, ripping the Orioles', um, third baseman.  So guess who was Pittsburgh's big acquisition this winter?  None other than the 1 home run, 9 RBI, .214 batting average bust that was Garrett Bernard Atkins.  Wow, I wonder who has the leg up on the Case Race this year?

I can taste that Natty Boh's now.

The Pirates came so close to picking up Derek Jeter.  Everyone thought it was a done deal until the Yankees curiously signed him. 

Analysis of the O’s Off-season Acquisitions

Dave said his next post was on the O’s recent acquisitions. I decided to beat him to the punch and give an objective view on the situation.

Derrek Lee:
Even with a new manager, the Orioles couldn’t help but sign at least one overpaid, over-the-hill veteran to their roster. Lee hit .260 last year and is expected to make around $10 million at age 35. Lee is a gold glove caliber first basemen. But, the question is if he has any “pop left in his bat”. The same question arose when the O’s signed Sosa, Palmeiro, and Tejada(the 2^nd time). Actually, their question was if there was any “juice left in the syringe?”

Mark Reynolds:
The good news for Reynolds is that he will not lead the NL in strikeouts in 2011, a title he has claim the last three seasons. The bad news is that he will surely lead the AL in strikeouts. Burn. He is the "Sultan of Swing-and-a-miss", the "King of the K,” and the "Colossus of Called Strike Three." (okay that last one was pretty weak, but I had to complete the Sandlot/Babe Ruth reference) Reynolds has the Major League record for most strikeouts in a season with 223 in 2009! In 2010, he became the quickest player to record 100 strikeouts after only 67 games. Also, he can’t field! As a third basemen, he has been in the top two in the league with errors the past three seasons.
Fortunately for Dave and O’s fans, the man can kill the ball. He hit 44 home runs in 2009 and has been ranked in the top 5 of at-bats per HR over the last two seasons. The Orioles got the power they wanted, but it came with some baggage.

JJ Hardy:
I’m not going to lie. I think JJ is a great pick up for the Orioles. I wish the Buccos would have picked him up. Maybe they are bitter that Hardy dominated the Pirates when he played for the Brewers. (He has a lifetime BA of .338 against us). If Hardy can stay healthy, he might be able to get back to his 2007/2008 form when he averaged .280/25/78 during the two seasons. Hardy is a great addition with plenty of upside in my opinion.

Kevin Gregg:
Gregg is a solid reliever that will help improve the worst bullpen in baseball. The best resume builder for Gregg is that he had an ERA of 3.51 with Toronto last year. He is familiar with the division and maybe he can give some tips to the Uehara on how to pitch to A-Rod. Cue the fireworks!

Who the O’s should have picked up:
Chien-Ming Wang was the Yankees ace for a couple years and almost won the Cy Young in 2006! He got injured and released. The Nats signed him for 2 million dollars. The jersey sales alone would have covered his salary. Also, it ruined my Christmas present for Dave…

The Hot Chick: Why I Strongly Dislike the Red Sox

You're at a party.  You're back in college; you're single and ready to mingle.  There's a group of three girls who are giving you some attention.  The conversations have been flirty and each chick has been making eyes at you (yeah, I realize how laughably unreal this scenario is, but let's humor the delusion for a while).  Throughout the night, you've discovered that each girl is from a different east coast city: Boston, Baltimore, and Pittsburgh.  

Quick, which one is the hot one?  Without any more information than their geographic upbringing, construct a mental picture of each girl.  Whose number do you want?  Which one is eh, so-so?  Which one do you stiff-arm and tell "I just remembered my car is illegally parked!"  You know who's who.  The Boston chick is the hot one.  She is smartly dressed in the telltale Burberry scarf tidily draped over her cardigan with Vineyard Vines twill pants.  Her hair is flowing, but still neatly in place.  Despite her prim and proper demeanor, the spark in her eye tells you she's trouble – and you are intrigued all the more. She has a refined air of condescension from those lavish summers spent sailing on the Cape and her semester-long stint of studying Indonesian pottery at an ivy-league institution. She's a looker and she knows it; she is the hot chick.

The Baltimorean is the satisfactory-looking friend.  She's nice, but quiet.  She's cute, but not breathtaking.  Jeans and a sweater get the job done; nothing fancy.  She kind of seems into you, but in the end you don't really click.  She's going to school at Towson, but you had never heard of it.  You try to keep the banter going, but her interest lags and is overwhelmed by the third member of the trifecta.

This third girl is from Pittsburgh, and she's got a half eaten squirrel hanging out of her mouth.  Her attire consists of a Roethlisberger jersey pulled over a hoody, sweatpants that say "Juicy" on the hind-end, and a battered pair of UGG boots.  She's loud and has the self-awareness of an anvil, with looks to match.  She hollers out a challenge; something about drinking you under the table.  Then she scoops you up and snaps a picture and promises to tag you on Facebook... where did that Bostonian trust fund babe get to?

What's the relevance of this scenario to... anything?  Well, tweak the characters slightly.  First, the guy you played in the story is named Adrian Gonzalez.  Instead of college coeds, the three suitors are the baseball teams:  the Boston Red Sox, the Baltimore Orioles, and the Pittsburgh Pirates.  Now it's starting to make sense.  Since 2004 and the advent of the Red Sox Nation, Boston is the hot choice for weak-minded group thinkers everywhere.  Boston's half a decade-long culture of winning has made the Sox an attractive option for players all over MLB.  The Red Sox's current beauty makes the Orioles appear uglier than they really are, and this league-wide perception that the O's perpetually belong with bottom-feeders like the Pirates causes our stock to fall even further.  Baltimore is really not that unpleasant, but our tough division, the enormous checkbooks of our rivals, and our association with ball clubs that haven't been relevant in centuries (sorry, Honus Wagner) overshadows our blossoming youth.  When you think about it, the Orioles are kind of like Anne Hathaway in The Princess Diaries; we just need the coaching of a seasoned leader (Julie Andrews/Buck Showalter) and some time to mature, and eventually we'll be the prettiest girl at the ball (aka make the playoffs).

Alright, all bizarre music videos and chick flicks aside, let me say this clearly: I strongly dislike the Boston Red Sox.  I don't hate them.  'Hate' is a powerful word that I reserve for the likes of al Qaeda, France, PETA, Lucifer, and the Yankees.  My level of disdain for the Sox is instead comparable to my feelings towards black jelly beans, poison ivy, New Jersey, and politicians.  The thorn in my side that is the Red Sox organization has become an infection in recent years, and has spread, leaving me bedridden and feverish the past few weeks.  The recent acquisition of Gold Glove first baseman and slugger, Adrian Gonzalez, along with raking outfield speedster Carl Crawford left the baseball world worried.  The Homeland Security's Threat Advisory Level was raised to Orange as a result of the elevated probability of an attack on the following metropolitan areas: Toronto, New York, Baltimore, and Tampa.

The Red Sox are to baseball what Justin Bieber, Katy Perry, and Miley Cyrus are to the music industry.  They are the flavor-of-the-month, trendy nonsense that the unkempt masses rush to for popularity's sake.   As a child of the 90s, I don't think I saw anyone wear a Boston Red Sox hat until my late high school years.  I never realized that the Red Sox were a popular team.  As an Orioles fan, I never really worried about the Mo Vaughn or Nomar Garciaparra or the rest of the Sox roster.  We were concerned solely with the Yankees.  But now, when I travel back home, the red "B" hats easily outnumber the orange "O's" hats.  Was there a mass migration of Bostonians to the mid-Atlantic region?  Did they finally come to the conclusion that Chesapeake Blue Crab tastes more succulent than New England Lobster?  What else could have been the catalyst which caused so many to find their "Yawkey" way?  Oh, right.  The Red Sox finally won a World Series in 2004.  Welcome back to relevance, it's only been 86 years.

And therein lies the chief source of my contempt for the Red Sox.  This "Nation" of "fans".  This recently coined term "Red Sox Nation" just boils my blood.  Yes, pudding brains will argue that the phrase was first penned in Boston's 1986 World Series flop, but it never stuck or became a part of everyday vernacular until the Sox finally won in 2004.  Since then, fans of role models like Big Papi (steroids), Manny Ramirez (steroids), and Pedro Martinez (cockfighting?) have been sprouting up from Tuscon to Tuscaloosa.  And can these bandwagoners really classified as "fans"?  Or do they love baseball in the same way that Justin Bieber fans appreciate a Portamento*?  Real connoisseurs. 

You know how to distinguish between a real fan who stays loyal through thick and thin and a guy who chooses the fashionable option?  When you ask him what team he likes, pause for a couple extra seconds after he answers.  Then, he'll expose himself.  Not in the Brett-Favre-text-message way, but often times they feel compelled to justify their fanship.  It'll go like this-

You: Hey, nice to meet ya.

"Fan": Nice to meet you too.

You: John said you're from Seattle.  Are you a big Mariners fan?

"Fan": Actually, I'm a Red Sox fan.

PAUSE

"Fan": Yeah, my grandma's second cousin's niece on my dad's side went to college at BU, and I've been a Sox fan ever since.

You: *speechless*

This happens all the time when it comes to Red Sox and Yankees fans.  Every Sox or Yankees fan from Illinois to Idaho gives you some sort of personal back story about why they're a fan.  They don't want to come across as phonies who rejected their childhood hometown teams just when the going got tough.  In order to sleep at night, they dish you a concocted sentence about how they've been a fan since the dawn of time rather than hopping on the "Nation's" wagon after heeding the call to "Cowboy Up".

Besides the manufactured "Red Sox Nation", another snag I have with the Sox is this David-versus-Goliath mentality when it comes to the Yankees spending a gazillion dollars on salaries.  It's hypocritical to dub the Yankees as the Evil Empire and complain about dominating the market when Boston has become an Evil Empire in itself.  As of December 9th, the Red Sox had $594.75 million in salary commitments through 2018.  The Yankees have $613.28 million, just 3% more.  Here's a quote from USA Today to put that money in perspective with the rest of the AL East:

"The Yankees and Red Sox, alone, have 16 players who will earn at least $9 million in salary next season. The rest of the AL East division has just three players with that distinction."

What?!  Talk about disparity.  The only player that the Orioles are paying more than $9 million next year is Nick Markakis, who's worth every penny.  The high-rollers in the East absolutely dominate the rest of the league, allowing the Blue Jays, the Rays, and the Orioles to compete for third in the division.  The Red Sox are like China, the recently relevant bad guy.  America (Orioles) was content with duking it out with our old nemesis, mother Russia (Yankees), but this new threat in China (Red Sox) is just annoying.

So, what does this all tell us?  It says that just because the Red Sox are the sexy option now and that pop culture might think it's really cute to be a part of the "Nation", doesn't mean it's right.  It also says that even though we hang out with ugly chicks like the Pirates fan, doesn't mean that we're one of them.  The Oriole Way is an identity in itself, and as loyal fans we need to cling to our heritage and get some self-respect.  I know it's been 13 years since we've been at .500, but Boston's beauty is fleeting and I can see an orange dawn on the horizon.  Or is that my medication acting up again?  Irregardless, the Red Sox suck and the "Nation" is a lie.  The hot chick has the clap.

*A mild glissando between two notes for an expressive effect.

Big Contracts and Patchwork: A Summary of the Winter Meetings

It has been a busy couple of weeks in Major League Baseball:

The Red Sox addressed their offensive “needs” by signing Carl Crawford and trading for Adrian Gonzalez. (Actually, the Red Sox scored 818 runs last year. Second only to the Yankees’ 859 runs. Kind of scary...)

The Nationals grossly overpaid for Jayson Werth, who is schedule to make $21 mil at age 38! Name a non-steroid infused 38 year old that is worth $21 million dollars?!?!

Cliff Lee shocked everyone and signed for less money to play for the Philankees. (Disturbing Fact: The salary for the Phillies’ Starting Rotation + Closer = $90 million)*

Best of all, the Yankees got snubbed!!! No Crawford, Werth, or Lee! Their biggest signing was a 36 year old SS with no range. Yankee fans should learn two lessons from this offseason: 1) Don’t give in to the demands of a 36 year old veteran. No one else in the league would have paid Jeter 15 million this year or 17 million at age 39! 2) Don’t spit on, chuck beers, and curse out Cliff Lee’s wife a month before you want to sign him as a Free Agent. Idiots.

As for the Buccos, we were content with using Hello Kitty band-aids to cover gunshot wounds. HOLD ON!

We picked up two average pitchers and two position players who are platoon worthy.

Kevin Correia is a right handed pitch who has been an innings eater with the Padres. His best season was in 2009 when he posted an ERA of 3.91. Prediction: Correia excites me as he was part of one of the best rotations in baseball last year with the Padres. He will be a very solid 4^th starter for the Buccos this year and hopefully beyond. STATS: W-L 12-9, ERA:4.21

Scott Olsen is a left handed pitcher with hasn’t been healthy since 2008, when he had an ERA of 4.20. The Pirates gave Olsen a two year contract worth $4.5 million. Prediction: Olsen will have a half decent year in Pittsburgh, but he will either get hurt or replaced by a AAA prospect (Brad Lincoln or Charlie Morton). Sad, I know… STATS: W-L 3-7, ERA: 5.45

Lyle Overbay is a left handed first basement with semi-power that has been a steady bat in Toronto for the past 5 years. He cannot be classified as a power bat because he has never hit more than 22 HRs or 92 RBIs. Those career numbers were produced 5 years ago. He has yet to come close since. Overbay (.243/20/67)is pushing Garrett G.I. Jones(.247/21/86) into right field. Prediction: Overbay’s above average fielding and leadership will be of the most benefit to the young Pirates team. Lyle will run his one year course in Pittsburgh and will bat 5^th and end up with this line .251/15/55.

Matt Diaz is a right handed outfielder who spent the last 5 years with the Braves. Two of the years he missed 50% or more of the season. The 3 years he played full seasons he batted .327, .338, .313. Impressive! Prediction: As of now it looks like Diaz will be part of a platoon with Garrett Jones in right field. This will allow him to stay healthy and effective. .309/5/24.

None of the new acquisitions are long term fixes, but they make the team better! Even if it is only a little bit better…

Go Bucs!

*Lee $24mil + Halladay $20 mil + Oswalt $16 + Lidge $11.5 + Hamels $9.5 + Blanton $8.5 = $89.5 million